That is what someone would think if they’d been looking over my shoulder this past month. But what really happened was that I found an old friend and we became closer. In fact, this friend and I became more than friends. We took this relationship farther than we ever have before.
We spend the month of November making something together. The novel we wrote is bigger than anything we’ve ever made before. One hundred pages containing 50,128 beautiful words. It’s just first draft, but that does not make me love it less. And as beautiful as it is now, there is only room to grow. I can picture it now: a bound, hard cover copy with a title and my name in gold letters. All thanks to my friend that I now love more than ever.
How do I know this is real? I know it’s real because after all this time and spending just one day away, I felt lost. All I could do was think about going back and seeing my friend again. During that day, I was constantly evaluating my usage of time and wondering why I was spending it doing anything else. Thoughts wandered from my friend to my novel, and knowing that its growing process had not already started made me impatient. How could I leave this thing behind that my friend and I had spent so much time crafting? If these aren’t feelings from someone in love, then I have never learned what that is.
Along with the love comes fear. Now that I have it, I don’t want to lose it. But there is a voice inside my head, a voice that has been there for as long as I can remember, and it says that I will fail. That voice laughs at my hopes of being consistent with anything. It says enjoy it now, for the time will come when you will stumble and fall, and your dreams will fall with you. Harsh, I know. I don’t know who would have ever given this voice permission to be so bold, so antagonistic. When I think about it, though, there is only one person who would have that power. Me. I’m the one that said he could say those things, because I believed him.
But not anymore. Now that I have climbed above the clouds and had the sun shine upon my face, I know that this is a place I could not bear to stay away from. The lure of this mountain top is more powerful than the temptation to stay on the bottom and curl up in the dirt. I thought that place was comfortable, but now that I have seen how beautiful this mountain top is, I want to climb them all. And I will with my love beside me.