You’ll Like Me When I’m Angry

I went in circles trying to settle on a opening line because I couldn’t convince myself it was worth it to complain on a blog.  For some reason, I felt there was no need for it if I was complaining to people who already knew the problem.  Aren’t I supposed to be part of the solution?  What is this really about here?  Is it about commiseration?  Actually, yes, that’s the idea.  People are supposed to read what you write and go “Yeah, I agree with that.  You’re so smart, Matt.  Thank you for reminding me what it is I should be angry about.”  Longer response than necessary, but it’s still nice to get reinforcement.

Just like my overthinking writing, I overthink what I should be mad about in my relationships with people.  I have often pushed down feelings of anger because I see no point in being angry.  It won’t change anything.  There will be no justice served, no rights wronged, no minds changed if I express my anger.  But in fact, this is where I’m wrong.  I need to learn to open up my vents and express my emotions in real time.  My delayed anger serves no one, and the added honesty will actually improve my relationships.  When I was a child, I asked my mother if she still loved me even when she was mad at me.  I guess then and subconsciously now I associate having anger with a person as the absence of love for them.  My inner child thinks that for a relationship to last you can’t fight ever and it’s always love and never anger.  Combine that with my natural tendency to be slow to anger and you have me in situations where I should be angry but I don’t know it till later.  It’s like experiencing a sonic boom.  I should be mad at the plane going by, but instead I just watch it.  Then later when the sound hits me, I realize I missed an opportunity.

There are plenty of examples where I should have expressed my anger toward a loved one.  The ones that are in the forefront of my mind are times when I was pissed at my girlfriend and didn’t tell her.  I won’t get into any of those details, but looking forward to potential relationships I want to make sure I don’t push my feelings aside for the comfort of the other person.

Wow, isn’t this fun?  You the reader are embarking on a journey here with me.  You get to witness a thirty-two year-old man discover what it takes to be in a adult relationship.  Isn’t that something?  I guess though some people never get to that point and they stay emotionally adolescent for their entire lives.  My advice to them is to listen to more podcasts.  There are tons of them where hippies talk about their emotions as well as presence and other existential junk.  I tell you, I don’t know where I would be without them.

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Set It To Rights.”

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