Who is The Man?

I’ll tell you who the man is.  The man is the voice that tells us what to do.  The man is the force behind all the irrational decisions we make because we want to keep our appearance consistent with the status quo.  Well, my fellow Americans, I am here to tell you that it is time to stand up against the man.  In my experiences, I have learned that you must strive to preserve your liberty to gather for the purpose of celebrating.  So unite!  Today, we can break the bonds that keep us down.

. . . unless you have a girlfriend.

I kid, but seriously, some girlfriends will not take too kindly to some of the upcoming festivities.  That’s right, I’m talking about National Listen to Punk Music Day which, as you all know, is celebrated every year on February 14th.  If you have a desire to be your own person and make a difference in the world today, NLTPMD is the day for you!

. . . unless, like I said, you have a girlfriend.

NLTPMD was started to unite all the single people in the world that measured their worth on February 14th by how many flowers they were giving/getting.  Sure it’s better to give than to receive, but when you’re giving your money to The Man just because he says it’s a holiday, something is wrong.  It’s wrong to have to spend so much money in such a weak economy.  I say save all that money for something important!  Do not buy any roses or cards this year.

. . . unless you have a girlfriend.

Now hold on with the trash talk.  I know what you’re saying I’m saying.  You think I’m saying that Valentine’s Day is bad and that you shouldn’t promote such a commercialized holiday.  No.  I’m not saying that.  If I were saying that, I would not be celebrating any holiday, especially Christmas.  What I am saying is that in order to do the right thing and stick it to The Man who holds you down and takes your money for no reason, you should crank up your punk music as loud as you can and drive around town passing all the flower shops and overcrowded Olive Gardens.

. . . unless you have a girlfriend.

What’s that?  Someone in the back?  I heard someone say that his girlfriend likes punk music!  That’s great . . . but you’re not listening to what I’m saying.  I’m saying that the man has to stop oppressing the little people, and in order to stop the man you have to fight the man.  Yes, two fists in the air are better than one.  I support team work.  (Remember the school of fish and the shark story?)  If she likes the punk music, you can fight the man together.  Let her make the playlist.  Save your money together.  But if there is not a card and/or flowers in a vase by 11:59 February 14th, you will be making your own playlist on February 15th containing songs by Eric Carmen and Chicago.

So here it is, today, our 5th annual celebration of NLTPMD.  Do with it what you will.  I will have plenty of punk music to listen to for this year’s celebration, so listen for me driving by and sticking it to the man!

. . . unless you’re at Olive Garden.