Funny Feelings

I want to do Stand-up comedy, but I am absolutely terrified.  It’s one of those things that I can picture myself being good at, but I know for a fact that you have to do it hundreds of times before you’re any good at it.  At least, that’s what all the greats say.  If there was a chance that I could get up there and kill though, I would have done it by now.  In my head I want to recreate the times where I’m funny in front of my family.  They all think I’m pretty funny without me even trying, so if there was a chance that the crowd would be like my family, though not my family because I’ll probably say things I don’t want my grandma to hear, I would do it.  The main thing is you have to know your audience.  I don’t actually know who my Stand-up audience will be.  Will I be the one that will appeal to everyone, or will I be extremely niche?  The greats are good no matter who they’re in front of.  The greats know how to handle hecklers without missing a beat, but again that comes from having been up on stage and bombing hundreds of times.

I have a list of potential jokes in my Evernote that I want to try on an audience.  Every time I picture this happening, I confidently start talking to the audience and things happen naturally.  If I was to go do it right now, though, I bet I would be super nervous.  Maybe.  I really do feel comfortable in front of large crowds.  I’ve actually had a few opportunities to entertain and some of them went well.  Once in high school band I was the announcer for a piece called “Vesuvius”.  There was something about that moment that made me want to go off script and improv a bit, and it was a hit.  I got lots of compliments about it.  Don’t know if I would have remembered the moment so well had I not received the good vibes.

So, yes, I procrastinate.  I think of excuses.  I worry.  What really makes me hesitate is that I gain so much pleasure from being entertaining that if I am a failure, it will upset me.  When I read that out loud, though, that sounds ridiculous.  What’s the worst that can happen if I have a bad set?  I’ll remember it for the rest of my life?  Probably.  Another memory I have that I can’t seem to shake is my impromptu speech I gave to campaign for band council in high school (notice how all these center around high school band).  I had to give a quick speech to convince my peers that I would be an asset to the council that plans our fun activities and junk.  I stood up, took a deep breath, and delivered the lamest address in the history of campaigns.  I said, “Even though I’m constantly late . . . I think we can have a lot of fun next year.”  That was it.  Just a quick self deprecation, which got a bit of a laugh, and then a statement of fact that elicited no response from anyone.  I added nothing to the audience members’ lives that they didn’t already know.  To this day I cringe every time I hear those words in my brain.  And every time I tell a joke that doesn’t land.  It’s not a fun feeling.  But I’m sure that my desire to be in front of people will eventually outweigh the fear of failure and I’ll do my five minutes.  It’s likely I’ll be hooked right away.

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Too Big To Fail.”


Sympathy for the Devil

Heard that song? It’s a very compelling story of a man who is just doing his job. It’s “the nature of my game” he says. It’s a good jam, but it makes you think. Everything, from the angels in heaven to the demons in hell, has its place.

But that’s just an example. Not really an appropriate example mind you, but I had to tie in the title of the blog somehow. Although, I could have just started with my original opening line. Before I picked the title, I was going to start like this:

I’m a sympathetic soul. I have the ability to see both sides of a situation, and this trait makes it hard for me to get off the fencepost sometimes. I’m not sure where I acquired this trait. Maybe it was something I developed on my own in an effort to make people feel included just like I wanted to be. This is why I’m not an arguer. I have my opinions just like everyone else, but I know what it’s like to have someone make you feel guilty for having them. Aside from the completely ridiculous, I think opinions should be respected.

On the same spectrum, I understand what it is like to have someone harshly criticize your work just because they didn’t like it. It can be painful. People are known to say things like “I just wasted 4 minutes of my life that I’ll never have back” and “that made me sick to my stomach” and also “my five-year-old could have done a better job”. Why do people feel like these kinds of criticisms are warranted or even appropriate? I ask this question because I’m looking inward and seeing that these feelings do not belong to just the jerks. I’ve done it, too. If any of you are familiar with my blog, you know that I attempted to tastefully bash the band Nickelback in a previous post. I actually said that Nickelback makes me feel hate inside me. Really? Are they really that bad? The more I think about it, the more I feel like I’m grossly overstating. If I really am attempting honesty, the things that I hate elicit so much more emotion in me than tuning in to a local radio station and hearing the sounds of Nickelback or Saliva or 3 Doors Down. There are worse things that have happened to people I know and to the human race in general, so assigning a hatred to a group of guys that are just making some music for their audience is just plain mean.

Now hold on. I haven’t suddenly changed my mind about these bands. I don’t like their music. I still believe as I said before that the radio is the fast food of music. It tastes good, but ultimately you’re missing out on viable nutrients. But not everyone is a musician like me and has the desire to search out new kinds of music to develop their palate. In fact, there are some people who (this might shock you) don’t like listening to music at all. Gasp! (see, I told you) Some of these people will just turn on the radio to have noise and they don’t listen for the same things that I do. They don’t get all tingly when they hear an unexpected chord progression or nod in agreement when a particular lyric resonates. It’s just not possible for everyone to have the same experience.

So Nickelback is not just for the tone-deaf and the uninterested and the “lay person”. Plenty of musicians love music as much as I do and enjoy the sound of “new metal” or whatever the heck you’re supposed to call this genre of music that Nickelback and all their counterparts are belong to. I’m not the person that feels immediately self-righteous when I hear that someone enjoys a band I don’t. I used to be, but I’m trying to change my attitude. To be clear, I do not think that any of these bands are good music, but my perception of such is unique to me. This is actually good for these bands because I don’t go to their shows or buy their albums and they’re still making more money than I am.

Next question: What kind of critic are you? I could get meta on all you fools and say that criticizing your form of criticism is in fact contradictory to my point of being respectfully critical, but there is a finite amount of information I can discuss in one day, and many of you have children that need not be left to defend for themselves for too long. Plus, I’m actually right on this one, and you’re probably not reading my blog if you’re a jerk. So if you’re ready for it, here’s my challenge: be a responsible critic. Be the type of critic that is a happy medium between your mom and a hipster newsletter. Share with the world your opinions about art, positive or negative, in such a way that the artist(s) will respect you back. If you didn’t like “The Immortals”, which I did not, tell us how you feel, but remember that the people who spent time and effort creating that movie don’t want to hear about how they “shouldn’t be allowed to work in Hollywood anymore for making such a piece of trash” (not an actual quote). I’ll bet you, the people behind these movies are happy to hear your critiques just as much as they love to be praised, because it means you saw the movie and you reacted to it. But lets not make it so personal all the time. Hell is busy enough with all those that will be judged for their unthinkable atrocities. They don’t have time to look after Justin Bieber just because you think he should be there instead of making music (actual quote). And when you’re in doubt, think of the target of your animosity as just a regular person like you who wants to be loved and accepted and remember what your grandma said to do if you can’t think of anything nice to say.